Free at last; My Journey...

Free at Last is dedicated to those who find themselves locked by the chains of shame, guilt, fear and lies due to religious beliefs or societies unwarranted biases.  

As children we rely on our parents for guidance and unfortunately some of us were taught from a very young age to be ashamed of who we are because of unrealistic ideologies.  I grew up being taught that an all encompassing moral authority figure laid down specific rules as to what I was supposed to think and feel and if I were to deviate from those rules, I was guilty of committing a despicable sin.   Yet I found myself thinking and feeling a different way no matter how hard I tried not to.  So of course I internalized it as my shame and I found in the Bible that I needed to protect myself from those that would encourage me to be me since I was my own worst enemy. 

It’s been a long and difficult journey, but today I can say I have been set free from that awful dark and lonely cell my upbringing and society helped create, until relatively recently.  However my heart breaks for those who are still chained to this needless sense of shame and fear simply because they were taught to accept their low opinions of themselves as a way of living.

A few years ago my now sister in-law asked me to write a song for her and my brothers wedding.  I then found myself sussing out what marriage meant for me (being in a committed relationship for 18 yrs I took that meaning for granted). I realized a seminal element in marriage is a commitment two people make to one another who are open towards each others failures and successes, which led me to use my relationship with my life partner as the inspiration for this song. A few years after the wedding I revisited Free at Last and made it my own as I could no longer ignore I was trapped by my shame and fear, those three words needed to apply to me too.   Although it may seem counter intuitive, I was drawn to the idea of how relationships can bring a sense of freedom.  I've found when you have a partner that doesn't try to control you but encourages you to be free, your partner is closer to you in more ways you can imagine.  I am free to make mistakes and free to learn from them. My mistake was to not trust him with this truth about myself, which led me down a stifling and suffocating road, but not anymore.  I have risen higher then I could have ever dreamed.  Sadly, I am one of the few lucky ones. 

I am a bi-sexual woman, the B in the LGBT community, and I am no longer ashamed of it.  

It is my hope that one day my son will live in a world where saying one is a lesbian, gay, bi, or transexual would be as benign as saying, 'I'm left handed". 

What a wonderful world that would be.



If my story resonates with you, I welcome you to share it or share your own.  


 

1 comment

  • John Serrano

    John Serrano San Diego

    Wow....Congratulations on finally setting yourself free. It must have been a struggle for a very very long time. It's good to know a fellow Grove alumni is doing well and still working in music.....your album sounds great btw.

    Wow....Congratulations on finally setting yourself free. It must have been a struggle for a very very long time. It's good to know a fellow Grove alumni is doing well and still working in music.....your album sounds great btw.

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